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This week has begin to become crazy. Assignments are piling up. Somehow, I got fatigue and lost momentum in my studying work.

 

 Passion vs Practical is the biggest issue I face this week. My uncle asked me a question regarding my career path choice. He seems rather assertive that I should plan.

 

 

I have argued with parents several times actually, telling them my intention of career path that requires to radically shift to a field which I have little skill and direction.

 

 In this unknown domain of music, I know the only weapon I have to survive and grow is passion. However, it will take more than verbal-assault immunity, physical perseverance, and emotional endurances as no one now believes in my capabilities in music.

Truth to be told, I have low self-esteem and confidence too. Looking at many failing local musicians in Malaysia de-inspired me somehow. There are musicians much better than I am but can hardly survive.

 

Against all odds, I too feared and dare not dream further because a lot of personal resources and sacrifices are needed. The feeling of being in a dilemma is so pain. It’s like the feeling of being a drug/junkie/kiffer.

 

You know drugs can kill you and do you no good but you are addicted to ecstasy-excitement feeling you get. I guess, my addiction is to music, not the medical substance instead. Maybe that’s why people defamed me from my looks.

There 1,000,0000+ million reasons why I can be a successful musician but I remember Thomas Edison the inventor of light bulb re-contextualized and re-framed his failure as a stepping stone to success.

 

 For now, I don’t want to think about this anymore. I will leave everything to God’s hands. Maybe, God will use people like me, so that his miraculous wonders can be magnified.